Insanity Greece Promo
Wevv Mang: Honestly, officer, I can explain everything. Wevv Mang sits on the edge of the bed in his hotel suite. A bag of ice is pressed to the side of his face. He wears a bathrobe, and apparently nothing else. A sleek olive skinned beauty sits next to him, holding his arm. She is also pressing an icepack to the side of her face. Greek Interpol: I would very much like to hear your explanation, sir. An animal makes a noise behind Wevv. Wevv turns and sees an officer trying to get control of the camel. A trio of midgets in Greek opera masks attempt to help. On the other side, a slap rings out as one of the several maidens of Delphi slaps a police officer and starts to curse him out in Greek. One of the eunuchs laughs until suddenly cutting off the laugh as one of the officers apparently pinches him. He then blushes, and seeks solace from another slave boy. Madison is shaking with rage inside her bunny suit, and Kenzo looks like a statue in his Italian opera Pagliacci clown make up and suit. Wevv: Er, perhaps I should start at the beginning. Greek Officer: Yes, I think that would be wise. The officer doesn’t even bother to look up but instead keeps making notes in a rapidly growing notebook. Wevv: You see, it all started a couple of days ago when I arrived in Greece. I met up with my friend Christina here. We were out on her yacht, I’m not sure exactly where, but just soaking up the Mediterranean sun, and relaxing. When I got this call from my tag team partner. Officer: This, uh, Pope Fred? Wevv: Correct. Totally unexpected, but never the less, he is my tag team partner. So…. Officer: You took the call. Wevv: I took the call. And well, one thing led to another. Two days earlier, aboard the Aphrodite Star luxury yacht. Wevv lays on reclined deck chair, sunglasses on, headphones on, and a hand rolled cigarette dangling from his fingers. Smile on his face, Wevv is the picture of relaxed. A pair of long legs walks from the cabin to the forward hull, and takes a position between the sun and Wevv. Wevv’s smile grows wider. Wevv: Behold! A radiant goddess! And what’s this? She brings me drinks! Truly, this is paradise! Christina: This time! Next time, you get the drinks. Wevv sits up, and takes the iced drink, as Christina sits down on a recliner next to him. Wevv smiles a megawatt smile and takes a sip. He nods in appreciation. Wevv: Not only are you beautiful, generous, but you know your way around a bar. Is there anything you can’t do? Christina; Put up with endless flattery. Now, you can either keep kissing my ass, or tell me what’s the job. Wevv: But it’s such a nice ass. Christina actually laughs at this. Wevv: We can talk business later. It’s nothing that can’t wait. Besides, after the Paris score you’re not hurting for money, are you? Christina props herself up on an elbow to look at Wevv. Christina: I’m very careful with my money. But whenever you show up in my life Wevv, it’s never personal for very long. Business has a way of intruding and making things- Wevv leans forward and puts a finger on her lips. Wevv: Sh. Not today. We’re miles from anywhere. Just you and me, alone on this big boat. How about we just forget about business and just..see what happens, eh? Wevv leans in for a kiss, Christina rises to meet him. Their lips touch, and the sounds of “ I get Money” ruins the moment. Christina sighs. She breaks the kiss, and leans back. Christina: I told you. Wevv: God Dammit! I left orders – Wevv answers his phone: Wevv: Who is this? Pope Fred: Wevv? It’s me. The Pope. I need your help. Wevv: Who? What? Pope Fred: meet me down by the docks at 8 tonight. I got a lead, and we’ll need backup. Wevv: What the deuce are you talking about? Pope Fred: I can’t tell you more over the phone. Just meet me there. Oh, and dress appropriately. Pope Out! Wevv just looks at his phone. Christina stands up and heads to the bridge. Christina: I know that look. Vacation is over. I’ll take you back. --- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - (Pope Fred and Fred Dryer are hanging out at a truck yard. They are walking among the crates and empty truck stands. They seem to be actively trying to find something in the yard with very little success. Except for them the yard is otherwise empty.) Pope Fred: I was told to seek a man I couldn’t like here at the Truck yard. Fred Dryer: Is there a man you don’t like? Pope Fred: Well – I guess if the man was missing something important I might not “like” them. I also don’t like breeders. Fred Dryer: I’m a breeder… Pope Fred: But your name is Fred – that’s a whole different class of people. Us Fred’s have to stick together. (With that a red pick-up truck drives into the yard and heads directly for the two Freds. The vehicle stops and out walks Fred Savage.) Fred Savage: Hey guys, what’s going on? Pope Fred: Go away Fred Savage. You’re evil. Fred Dryer: I thought us Fred’s had to stick together. Pope Fred: Yeah but this is Fred Savage. He makes terrible television shows. Fred Savage: Fine – than I won’t tell you what I know… it could have helped you bust a drug ring here in Athens and maybe even helped you find your man Zest, but since I make terrible television I’ll leave. (He jumps back in the car and drives off without sharing what he knew.) Fred Dryer: What the hell man – you just ruined our one good clue. I’ll call Sporty James – he’ll know what we need to do… Pope Fred: Let’s do one better… (Pope Fred picks up his cell phone and start to dial voraciously.) ***** ***** ***** Wevv: Who is this? Pope Fred: Wevv? It’s me. The Pope. I need your help. Wevv: Who? What? Pope Fred: meet me down by the docks at 8 tonight. I got a lead, and we’ll need backup. Wevv: What the deuce are you talking about? Pope Fred: I can’t tell you more over the phone. Just meet me there. Oh, and dress appropriately. Pope Out! ***** ***** ***** (The Pope and Fred Dryer then make their way out of the Truck Yard and get in an early 80’s Ford Taurus. They cruise at a very fast pace, the wheels of the car leap off the top of each hill in the road. As they tour the city of Athens it becomes apparent that the LPW had received some type of payment from the Athens Chamber of Commerce. Hunter then pulls the break and the Fred’s find themselves sitting outside the Oracle of Delphi.) Pope Fred: So where are we going? Fred Dryer: To find Fred Savage? Pope Fred: where do you think we’ll find him? Fred Dryer: I have no idea but I hear that the Maidens here at the Oracle know everything. (The Camera remains in the car and we watch through the window as the two Freds then get out of the car and jaunt up the hill – in not less than a few seconds inside the Oracle they are seen leaving with 5 of the maidens – sardine canning them into the backseat of the Taurus.) Fred Dryer: So might Maidens of Delphi – where is Fred Savage? Maiden #1: Ouch Maiden #2: Move it! Maiden #3 Athens of course Maiden #4: Shove it! Maiden #5: The Opera House. Pope Fred: Just the clue we needed – Ladies we’re off to the Docks to meet my main man Wevv Mang – he’ll know what to do. (The Car drives off and leaves the camera behind staring at the Oracle. Off to the docks they go.) - - - - - - - - - - - - - Meanwhile, back in the hotel room. Officer: Uh huh. So, you went to the docks to met this Pope Fred. Wevv: Yes sir. Officer: What, Claudio! Leave that camel alone! Apologies sir, please. Continue. Wevv: I went down to the docks at 7:45 PM. A little early I know, but I wanted to get the lay of the land so to speak. I’m glad I did. (Pope Fred and Fred Dryer arrive at the docks and are quickly out of the car shuffling the Maidens of Delphi toward the on wait, Wevv Mang. The darkness and fog nestled in around the sly Wevv Mang as he waited. He taps his foot, patiently awaiting what is a larger crowd then he expected. Two strange shadows appear around the corner but pause and blend in as the Pope and the Hunter Posse meet up with a shift Wevv Mang.) Fred Dryer: O.K. Sporty what do you know? Wevv Mang: Mr. Dryer - This is Athens not LA – I’m not this gentleman Sporty, but I came here because Pope said he needs my help. Pope Fred: Well here is what we need you to do is follow us to the Opera House and help us defeat the terrible Drug Lord Fred Savage. Wevv Mang: The Guy from the Wonder Years? All these child TV stars end up going bad in the end. What do you need me to do. (With that the three men begin discussing how they were going to pull it off, meanwhile the Maidens of Delphi suddenly find themselves scooped up by two big nasty burly men and shoved into a nearby van. It appears to be Fred Savages henchman… Could Big B. Brown and Cash Flo really be working for Fred Savage?!?! ) Fred Dryer: Look over there a speedboat, let’s take it… Pope Fred: …and look a narrow canal along the road leading to the Opera House. Wevv Mang: Who builds canals that lead to Opera Houses? (They zoom off in the boat and find themselves running up the stairs of the canal walls from the speedboat and into a back entrance of the Opera House. Roseanne is there waiting for them – amazing, you wonder how she knew – Gay-Dar.) Wevv Mang – We all know what to do… Fred Dryer – you’re with me. Pope Fred: Alright Roseanne – we’re headed right for Fred Savage. (The two pairs of Superstars head in separate directions now inside the Opera House.) ***** ***** ***** Wevv Mang and Fred Dryer circle to the back of the Opera House. Both men flatten themselves against the side of the building. Wevv peers around the corner. Hunter pulls out his gun and checks the chamber. Wevv: How clever. They're going to use the opera as a cover to move the drugs. With the scenery, and costumes, they can conceal tons of drugs, and whoa! What’s with the gun? Hunter: Well, I thought I’d use my backstage pass here to get into the building and bust up this drug ring. Wevv: Easy there. I think I can get in and not arouse suspicion at the same time. Just follow my lead… A few minutes later: A man dressed as Leonidas of the Spartans leads a shroud covered, burly maiden into the main dressing area of the Opera. Hunter throws off his costumer and pulls his clothes back into place. He draws his gun. Wevv: Always with the gun. Jeesh. Hunter: You don't carry a weapon? Wevv: I found I rarely have to resort to using force. Hunter: Lucky you. Now, let’s find our where Fred Savage is, and the drugs and then let’s TAKE! THEM DOWN! Hunter grabs an actor and shoves his massive hand cannon in the man’s face and starts shouting at him. Hunter: WHERE IS HE?!?! WHERE! ANSWER ME! The frightened man gibbers and shakes, and speaks in Greek. Wevv: er, Hunter? May I? Wevv grabs Hunter’s arm and pries the man free. Wevv starts speaking to the man in a calm and friendly manner. Suddenly the man’s head starts nodding yes, and he points towards a pair of stairs. Wevv: Fred Savage is upstairs. The drugs are being shipped out in the Island scenery for tonight’s production of The Tempest. So, there you go. Now what? Hunter: What? Just like that? No chase? No gun battle? Well…that just sucks! Wevv pulls out his iPhone. Wevv: This is real life Fred, not everything has to end in a hail of gunfire and explosions. Besides, the local constables are on their way. iPhone, there’s an ap for that. Looks like our job is done, and I’ve managed to keep the hijinks to a minimum, so, I would call this a win – win situation. Hunter: (mumbling and looking around) Wevv: What was that? Hunter: I said to HELL WITH THAT! I’M GONNA TAKE DOWN THAT SON OF A BITCH FRED SAVAGE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! Hunter has found what he’s looking for. He grabs a motorcycle that had been partially hidden behind some old sets. He jumps on and fires it up. He then pulls out his gun, and starts to laugh maniacally. Wevv; Fred, that’s a maniacal laugh! Don’t do this! We can still end on a happy note! Hunter: Only one way to end this! CARNAGE! WORKS FOR ME! HAHAHAHHA! Fred Dryer guns the motorcycle and heads for the stairs. He nearly runs over several cast members. He then shoots the lock on the door, and drives through. More gunshots ring out and screams are heard over the roar of the motorcycle. Wevv stands motionless, massaging the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, and a grimace on his face. He takes a deep breath, and suddenly stands up straight. Wevv: It was bound to happen. Damn that Pope Fred saddling me with a lunatic like Fred Dryer. Well, at least that’s over with, and now I can get down to business. Wevv starts working his iPhone, sending text message after text message. His phone beeps, and he reads the new message. He smiles. A large explosion above him rattles the Athens Opera house, and causes plaster chips to rain down on Wevv. Wevv frowns at that, and looks up. It’s just in time, as he sees Cash Flo and Big B stepping through the open door frame that Fred Dryer rode through. Both men appear rattled. Big B: I can't believe that crazy cracker almost shot me! Cash Flo: I can't believe he missed. Big B: What was that? Cash Flo: Nothing. Look, let’s get the hell out of here! I don't know why you dragged me into this stupid deal with Fred Savage! Big B: Look playa, he offered me a damn good deal on some fine Corinthian Leather coats! Some of us still have to hustle to make that money. Not that you would know anything about that Carlton. Cash: Why do you keep calling me that? My name is Cash, not Carlton. Big B: Whatever. Now help me find where Savage was stashing those coats. You have any idea how hard it is to find a nice leather jacket in my size? Cash: (mumbling) No, but I can guess at how many cows had to die to make it. Big B: You say something? Cash: I’ll look over….hey, that guy looks like Wevv Mang. Big B: Nah, no way he’s here…hey, he does. Hey! You! Come here! Wevv doesn't say anything, but instead widens his eyes in a questioning manner, and points to himself. Big B: Yeah! You! Come here! I wanna know where my coat is! Wevv slowly walks towards the two men. He holds his hands open in front of him in a placating gesture. Wevv: Now gentlemen – Cash: It is him! He probably brought that psycho that tried to shoot us! Wevv: Well, not me. That was Pope Fred, but honestly, I don’t want any – Cash: That fruit is here too? Damn! Wevv: Now gentlemen – Big B: Gentlemen nothing! You screwed up our deal with Fred Savage! Now I’m never gonna get that sweet Corinthian Leather coat! I came all the way to Greece for that thing! Wevv: First, there’s no such thing as Corinthian Leather. It was made up to help sell cars. Second, I’m surprised that you knew Corinth was in Greece. Big B: Shut up! I read books you know! Wevv and Cash both give Big B the stink eye. Big B: OK! I watch the Travel Channel! SHUT UP! Big B lashes out at Wevv in anger, but Wevv dodges the attack by stepping backwards, out of reach. Wevv: Easy Fellows! I don’t want to hurt you! We have a match coming up, let’s save it for the ring, shall we? Besides, the Police will be here any moment! Cash: You called the cops on us? You son of a bitch! Let’s get him! Wevv furious tries to avoid the attack of Big B and Cash, dodging behind objects, and trying to keep out of reach. Wevv: gentlemen! I’m warning you! Don’t make me – Cash: What? Bleed? Big B: Come on pussy! Huh? A large beefy hand grabs Big B by the shoulder and pulls him around. Another large beefy hand curled up in a fist collides with the skull of Big B right between the eyes. Wevv: - Tell Mr. Wang to hurt you. Big B grabs his face and staggers back a couple of steps. He then releases his hands, and gives a loud snort. Big B: Not bad. Stung a bit and rattled my sinuses pretty good. My turn? Mr. Wang looks to Wevv, who just shrugs. Wevv: Looks like it’s going to be the hard way. All right! Let’s dance! Wevv grabs chair and charges Big B and smashes him across the back. Big B is driven to his knees. Cash Flo tries to attack Wevv from behind, but Mr. Wang grabs his arm and spins him into a judo throw into a pile of packing crates. Wevv smiles as he watches the crates collapse on Cash Flo. He doesn't see the behemoth Big B get back to his feet, and spin Wevv around into a brutal haymaker. Wevv is knocked off his feet. The sound of approaching sirens causes Big B to stop in his tracks and stare down Mr. Wang, Both men shoot glances at their charges, Big B to Cash Flo digging himself out of the crates, and Mr. Wang towards Wevv who is rubbing his jaw with a dazed expression, and getting back to his feet. Both men nod. Big B lumbers over to Cash Flo and grabs his arm. Mr. Wang goes and grabs Wevv. Cash Flo: Wha – Big B: Cops are coming! Come on! Suddenly Cash Flo rears back, spins and lashes out at some one behind him. It’s a woman. Big B: Damn! You knocked that bitch senseless! Come on slugger! Let’s get out of here! I got no desire to spend a night in a Greek Jail! Cash Flo: Bitch was trying to pick my pocket! Come on! Greek Jail? Hell no! The two men stagger out. Wevv and Mr. Wang go over to the woman Cash Flo knocked out. Wevv grabs her under the arms and Mr. Wang grabs her legs. Wevv: let’s go. Not only are the local constables approaching, but I think I can smell smoke. Wouldn’t surprise me in the least if those two lunatics set the building on fire. Mr. Wang raises an eyebrow as the two men carefully navigate to the door. Wevv: No, not Cash Flo and Brown. I’m talking about the Fred’s. Pope and Dryer. Total nutjobs. See, this is why I hate hijinks. Too much collateral damage. Careful, almost there, and yes, there’s the door! Let’s make good our escape and damn! A group of actors are in the alley. One of them shouts something in Greek and points to Wevv. Wevv; I can explain! No! Calm down! Do you speak English! Yes! Good! Listen, I would be very appreciative if you forgot I was ever here tonight! VERY appreciative! NO! Not like that! Damn you Greeks! Listen, I’m sure we can work something out… Back in Wevv’s hotel room: Wevv: And well, here we are. Inspector: I see. So. That is your story, yes? Wevv: If by story, you mean the truth, then yes, that’s is my story. The inspector closes his notebook. He looks around the room. The two officers he arrived with are engaged in quiet conversations with a couple of the party guest. Well, one is talking the other is trying to chew it’s cud. “Damn Claudio” he thinks to himself, “He and his damn list.” The officer sighs, and looks at Wevv. Wevv looks back innocently. He holds the woman’s hand, and patiently awaits word from the inspector. Inspector: All right. I won't arrest you. For now. But! But, if I have any more questions, I don’t want you leaving the country. Wevv: No problem officer. I have a wrestling match coming up, so I won’t be going anywhere. Could I offer you some complimentary tickets? Inspector: Very generous of you. Yes, I think I will accept them. We don't have your American hang ups about receiving gifts. The last part was said with a special emphasis. Wevv: Ah. I see. Yes. I will arrange to have them sent to you. Is there anything else? Inspector: No, I think that will be all. Claudio! Iarenos! Come! We’re done here. Oh, one last thing Mr. Mang. I have spoken to your associate – Wevv: Fred Dryer? Inspector: No the other Fred. Wevv: Oh. Inspector: He was…very informative. Wevv: Was he now? Inspector: Just so you know, we haven’t been able to locate Fred Dryer. Or Fred Savage. But we will. Wevv: Good! You do that! The police leave. Wevv lets out a huge sigh. He stands up and Christina does as well. Mr. Wang and Madison join them. Wevv: Just one moment! People! Don't let the part stop! Let’s have some fun! The part goes back into full swing. Wevv and his cohorts huddle in a corner. Wevv speaks just loudly enough to be heard over the noise. Wevv: People, I think our work here is done. Time we should be going. Madison: (ripping the head off her rabbit costume, and shaking her hair out) Not until I change out of this damn costume! Was it really necessary to wear this? Wevv: Yes. Yes it was. When dealing with these kind of situations, it pays to dress the part. I’ll make it up to you. We’re flush with cash from that drug deal, and as a bonus, Christina here managed to grab a couple of Cash Flo’s credit cards. Christina: What can I say? I’m good. Wevv: You are indeed. So, what say you to leaving this…chaos and going out and spending some of Cash’s money like civilized people? I here he’s quite rich. Let’s just see HOW rich, eh? Christina: What about them? (She gestures to the party) Wevv: (pulling out the pile of credit cards with Cash Flo’s name on them) I believe Mastercard has me covered for any damages. The group quietly slips out of the penthouse apartment and into a normal night in Athens Greece.